Monday, June 1, 2015

Kinktastic thoughts by Jennifer Kacey

I met someone at #RT15 who happens to be new to kink. She's adorable and shy and full of questions. I can't tell you how awesome it's been to talk to her!! It's given me the opportunity to really look back on my journey into the lifestyle and put my thoughts and emotions into words.
Several things surprised me in a super positive way so I decided to share a few with you guys!!!

1. "After coming out to all my friends I just want to crawl back into a hole and live there."
- Not everyone understands this lifestyle, not everyone wants to. Which is fine. For them. It's really hard to accept yourself as...enough. One day I finally just took my own advice. Find the real you and NEVER SETTLE for anything less.
I completely understand the desire to crawl back in the hole sometimes. It use to be really bad for me. Someone special keeps me out of it though. So now I crawl into his lap instead. :)

2. "Some people I talk to about kink say I'm this way because my parents were too lenient on me growing up."
- There's a massive debate in the kink world of nature vs nature.
Were we born this way or did something in our adolescence cause us to be kinky?
Kind of along the same lines as straight, gay, bi, trans, etc. Were we born this way?
For me it's a resounding yes. I was born kinky. Nothing my parents did or didn't do would have affected my need for something....more.
I don't see anything wrong with being vanilla. For most vanilla people it's what they desire. It's what makes them feel loved and happy and safe and content. Awesomesauce.
But that didn't work for me. So I found alternatives. :)
I think it's interesting that so many vanilla people feel the need to put us in a fish tank and figure out WHY we're like this. honestly makes no difference because we don't need to be fixed.
We're amazing just the way we are!!
Differences are here to be celebrated. And not just the PC differences that have activists and logos to stand behind them. People fear what they do not understand and I finally had to be ok with that. You figure out who you can be open with and who you can't. And all of us must stop giving people the right to make us feel bad for being who we are.

3. "Kids and kink. How do you make it work together?"
- Will kids change your dynamic with your Dominant? Yes. There's no way around it.
You'll have another tiny human to take care of, and for a while your focus will shift to your child/children.
Something I would most definitely recommend before you have children is have a very frank conversation on what each of you expects out of your dynamic while you're A) pregnant and B) after the baby is born. Are you going to be expected to still have dinner on the table each night?
Are you expecting to have help from your Dominant with feedings during the night and he's assuming you've got it covered 24/7? Is your Dominant expecting you to still be up for sex every night while you're pregnant and feel as big as a house and haven't been able to keep food down for 3 days? It's not the glamorous side of kink, it's the reality side. Much more important. And assuming what your other partner(s) expect will NOT work. That breeds misunderstanding and hurt feelings that will eventually boil over and cause real issues.
And know that with children - whatever you plan for and expect - expect it to change. It's an is.

Real life kink.
It's totally a thing.
Makes me extremely happy on a daily basis.
So if you're out there and feel like you don't do.
Trust me.
You do.

Decadently Yours,
Jenn :)

Need a little extra sizzle to get you through Monday?!? May I suggest a bit of kink.... :)
The books in the Members Only Series can be found here...
Stand Alone

Jennifer Kacey is a writer, mother, and business owner living with her family in Texas. She sings in the shower, plays piano in her dreams, and has to have a different color of nail polish every week. The best advice she’s ever been given? Find the real you and never settle for anything less.

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