Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Consent and Sexuality

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"Not that I am a woman who would have a relationship with more than one man, I do love the fact that Faith was able to follow her heart and live her life as she saw fit. It is time that women stand up for their beliefs and their sexuality. Ms. Alexander helps me believe in embracing my sexuality and hopefully womankind too. Praises for her story and the message she sends out."

-Amazon review. To Have Faith.

There is a part of me in all of the heroines I write. In To Have Faith, Faith O’Leary is the part of me who wanted to embrace and explore her sexuality. When I read that my words inspired others to connect with their trues nature, it brought tears to my eyes.

It is an interesting time to be a woman in America. And by interesting, I mean fucked up. We are told we can do and be whatever we want, as long as it fits someone else’s idea of womanhood. Nowhere is this stupid attitude more prevalent than when it comes to consent.

Consent. That’s right. I’m going there. Why? Because I’ve recently taken the bull by the horn shall we say and have changed my expectation of the type of physical relationship I want. It wasn’t a drastic decision, but one I’ve been contemplating for a while and finally decided to do something about. As I endeavor on this transition, I’ve learned some fundamental truths regarding consent.

Truth- I am a sexual human being. I enjoy men. I enjoy being a woman surrounded by men. I love our differences and I love our similarities. I love being a girly-girl, and wearing high heels, and hearing my man call me princess in his growly voice. LOVE IT! When I go out, I will dress sexy and wear low-cut tops to attract attention.

But Anna. Only sluts go out dressed to attract male attention in such a fashion.

Uh, no. All animals have their mating rituals. I just go about it in the way of the peacock, showing off my magnificent plumage. We are first attracted visually. We see someone who catches our eye and think, “Wow. I would like to know more about this person.” And then courtship commences.

Where mankind fucks up this process is when it comes to consent. Yes, I may be dressed to attract a man but that does not mean I am out to attract ALL MEN. Or even “you” specifically.

People are like puzzle pieces. You see a person you think may be a good match. You go up and say hello. Let’s say that after a few moments, you or the other person suggests that maybe you aren’t meant to be. If this were an actual puzzle, do you mash the pieces together? Scream and yell and force the pieces to fit? No. You shrug, put the pieces back on the table and try something else.

That is what we need to do with each other. You are welcome to talk to me. I am welcome to say no thank you. You move on. You are not allowed to mash us together. Ever. Ever, ever. Just because I flirt and kiss on one man does not mean I have to flirt and kiss on you. And that goes both ways. Just because a man is a man, does not mean they are ready or willing to hook up with anyone. No means no. Is this concept really so difficult to understand?

Be kind. Be respectful. And get on with your sexy self. You are allowed to want. You are allowed to desire. And you sure as hell allowed to lust. You are not a slut. You are not a whore. And you owe no one. Do not let someone tell you who you can or cannot be.


Anna- The Super Diva

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