Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Guest Post: Making the Sausage, or, the Nuts and Bolts of Rewriting by J.J. Lore

Some might have the impression that writing is a magical experience. Authors wander around in a distracted daze as they listen their muses and when inspiration strikes, they plunge into their work in a fevered rush, emerging from their office days later with messed hair and a masterpiece. Well, maybe it works that way for some, but for me, it’s a very step-by-step process. First I get an idea, either about characters interacting or a sequence of action. I make notes, do research, come up with a rough outline, and then I bang out a first draft. After that comes the hard part; rewriting. What follows is a little snippet of a manuscript I’m working on. I’m going to show you the rough draft, made in the phase when I have to get at least a thousand words on the page a day. I just let the characters talk and push them through the scene. First, a little set-up; My guy Eidan is an alien sheriff recently arrived on an isolated planet to bring law and order to a wild mining camp. My gal is the town postmistress who’s been there a while. Let’s go!

“Would you like to sit down?”
“No, I’m all muddy.” She gestured at the clean floor with a slight frown.
The thought of some mud wasn’t much of a deterrent to sex in his mind, but she was a tidier person. If she needed to have her boots off, he was inclined to help. He crouched down at her feet and reached to help her unfasten the buckles that held her boots on. Her fingers tangled with his and skittered away to work at other locations. As she stepped out of the first boot, her hand landed on his shoulder while she balanced and he liked the pressure of her palm against his muscles. Another flare of arousal warmed him and his cock thickened as the possibilities of their position tantalized. He reminded himself there was no need to rush. They would have all night since Bryjid wouldn’t be back from her shift until mid-morning.
Teah cleared her throat and moved away from the wet puddle on the mat. She peered around the living room like she was trying to memorize the location of every piece of furniture and electronic device. He gestured toward the sofa and with a quick little nod she went to it. The sofa Bryjid had ordered was large, soft, and perfectly suited to various copulatory arrangements.  With a little sigh she sat down on the edge of a full, dark blue cushion, her feet perfectly aligned on the floor. She glanced up at him and her eyes widened slightly as he sat next to her, close enough to shift her his way, but not so near as to touch any part of her yet. He’d thought she was attractive before, but now, with the quiet house surrounding them and the evening stretching ahead, he let himself look. Full lips, deep brown eyes, and little tumbles of curling russet hair, damp from the rain.
“You’re probably wondering why I’m here,” she said in a rush. “I’ve just been thinking about this for a couple of days and knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if I didn’t deal with it.”
Not an especially ringing endorsement of coitus, but he was sure he could please her.
“I’ve heard some rumors. Gossip. People like to talk about newcomers.”
Ah, she was worried their assignation might become common knowledge. “Most of it is false, I’m sure.”
“Have you spoken with Bokum again?”
Eidan paused, drawn from his study of the shape of her mouth by her abrupt change in subject. Talking before intimacy was certainly acceptable, especially if it put her at ease. Once they began he was sure she wouldn’t be able to string a sentence together. “No. Is there some story about him?”
Her hand crept his way and clutched at the sofa cushion. “Yes. He’s, well, he’s untrustworthy. A criminal.”
Eidan nodded for her to continue.
“He’s not happy you’re here. Either of you, or Collective law for that matter. He has a lot of power in this town. A lot to lose.”
“I’m aware,” Eidan said, wondering how to get her back on track. He wasn’t worried about the maneuverings of a minor extortionist in this isolated place. He’d faced down @@@@ in his time as chief investigations officer on Eleon. A small man in a muddy suit was hardly going to evade the law when Eidan moved to enforce it. “I appreciate you coming to tell me about it.”
Her brows drew together. “I had to. You’re in some peril and deserve to know.”
Ahh, so she harbored kind feelings toward him. That would make their encounter all the more passionate. He leaned a little closer.
“There’s something else,” Teah said as her cheeks flushed pink. “It might not be something that you’re interested in anyway, so I hesitate to mention it.”
She smelled sweet; of some sort of flower he’d encountered long ago and forgotten until now.
“I’m embarrassed to bring it up,” she said in a quavering voice, a quick smile flitting across her mouth. He wondered how she might be.
“I think our conversation has gone remarkably well so far,” he replied with as an encouraging tone as possible.
“It’s ah, about sex.”
As soon as the words left her lips his whole body tensed. Any doubts he had about finding a human female arousing were firmly erased by the primal surge in his body.

Not too bad. I’m having them come at the conversation from different directions, which I love to write, but upon further reading, I realize I want more of Eidan’s lust for her to come out. He’s hot for her and confident, which I want to play up. Her reactions are fine since she’s visiting merely to warn him so the stakes are low for her. I also want to play up his ‘otherness’ by making his language more formal, as if he’s learned it from a manual and doesn’t have a grasp of slang or colloquialisms.

“Would you like to sit down?”
“No, I’m all muddy.” She gestured at the clean floor with a slight frown.
The thought of some mud wasn’t much of a deterrent to sex in his mind, but she was a tidier person. If she needed to have her boots off, he was inclined to help. He crouched down at her feet and reached to help her unfasten the buckles that held her impervious boots on. Her fingers tangled with his and skittered away to work at other locations. As she stepped out of the first boot, her hand landed on his shoulder while she balanced and he liked the pressure of her palm against his muscles. Another flare of arousal warmed him and his cock thickened as the possibilities of their position tantalized. He reminded himself there was no need to rush even though his body was longing for hers. They would have all night since Bryjid wouldn’t be back from her shift until mid-morning. What an unexpected but completely welcome way to conclude his day. (Okay, I added that last sentence so show he’s confident she’s there to get in bed with him. He’s sure she finds him irresistible. He’s in for a big shock.)
Teah cleared her throat and moved away from the wet puddle on the mat. She peered around the living room like she was trying to memorize the location of every piece of furniture and electronic device. He gestured toward the sofa and with a quick little nod she scurried to it. The sofa Bryjid had ordered was large, soft, and perfectly suited to various copulatory arrangements.  With a little sigh she sat down on the edge of a full, dark blue cushion, her feet perfectly aligned on the floor. She glanced up at him and her eyes widened slightly as he sat next to her, close enough to shift her his way, but not so near as to touch any part of her yet. He’d thought she was attractive before, but now, with the quiet house surrounding them and the evening stretching ahead, he let himself assess and appreciate her even more. Full lips, deep brown eyes, and little tumbles of curling russet hair, damp from the rain. Unusual, but very pretty. (Put in that last sentence to point out they are different species and what we find normal, brown hair and eyes, he finds exotic.)
“You’re probably wondering why I’m here,” she said in a rush. “I’ve just been thinking about this for a couple of days and knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if I didn’t deal with it.”
Not an especially ringing endorsement of coitus, rather like something she was checking off her to-do list, but he was sure he could please her. She didn’t seem to need a reply because she continued. (I decided I needed to indicate dialogue here.)
“I’ve heard some rumors. Gossip. People like to talk about newcomers.”
Ah, she was worried their assignation might become common knowledge. “Most of it is baseless, I’m sure.” (Switched false with baseless to increase formality and sound more legalese, since he’s a sheriff.)
She shook her head and again clasped her hands together. “Have you spoken with Bokum again?”
Eidan paused, drawn from his study of the shape of her mouth by her abrupt change in subject. General conversation before intimacy was certainly acceptable, especially if it put her at ease. Once they began he was sure she wouldn’t be able to string a sentence together. “No. Is there some story about him?” (Again, changed a word to make him sound more formal.)
Her hand crept his way and clutched at the sofa cushion. “Yes. He’s, well, he’s untrustworthy. A criminal.”
Eidan nodded for her to continue. She leaned closer and lowered her voice. (I put this sentence in so the reader can visualize their postures and show that Eidan sees her as getting closer to him as a prelude to seduction. In reality, she’s just nervous and wants to keep her voice down.)
“He’s not happy you’re here. Either of you, or Collective law for that matter. He has a lot of power in this town. A lot to lose.”
“I’m aware,” Eidan said, wondering how to get her back on track. He wasn’t worried about the maneuverings of a minor extortionist in this isolated place. He’d faced down contract killers, rogue bounty hunters, and armed gangs in his time as chief investigations officer on Eleon. A small man in a muddy suit was hardly going to evade the law when Eidan moved to enforce it. “I appreciate you coming to tell me about it.” (And here’s another one of my ways to get the words on the page when I’m writing a first draft; using @@@@ to skip a section where I’ll go back and add more detail when I’m re-writing. I couldn’t think of a list of bad guys at the time, so I just kept going.)
Her brows drew together. “I had to. You’re in some peril and deserve to know.”
Ahh, so she harbored kind feelings toward him. That would make their encounter all the more passionate. He leaned a little closer.
“There’s something else,” Teah said as her cheeks flushed pink. This was looking promising. “It might not be something that you’re interested in anyway, so I hesitate to mention it.”
She smelled sweet; of some sort of flower he’d encountered long ago and forgotten until now.
“I’m embarrassed to bring it up,” she said in a quavering voice, a quick smile flitting across her mouth. He wondered how demanding she might be. It would be interesting to be directed during a sexual encounter. (I re-read this part and knew I needed a stronger sexual hint here, so I threw in ‘demanding’ and the next sentence about him speculating about her proclivities.)
“I think our conversation has gone remarkably well so far,” he replied with as an encouraging tone as possible.
“It’s ah, about sex.”
As soon as the words left her lips his whole body tensed. Any doubts he had about finding a human female arousing were firmly erased by the primal surge in his body.

So that reads a little better to me. I feel like more of Eidan’s personality has come out and I ramped up his sexual tension too. Mission accomplished! Once I’ve completed this stage of re-writing, I send the piece off to my critique partner. When she sends me suggestions, I start the whole process over again.







Unexpected

By J. J. Lore

Evernight Publishing


ASIN/ISBN: B00NRIUX3G


Voted best Sci-fi book for 2014 in Evernight Publishing’s Reader’s Choice Awards



As two Alphan warriors on the fast track to promotion and improved status, Mikel and Felix of the Tauride have their future planned out. They intend to go from performing security duties for the Prince while he visits Earth to eventually earning the right to seek out their human mate and rescue her in some dramatic way, impressing her and earning her love. But a chance encounter with a lovely young woman sends them both down a markedly different path.

Shy Alisa Sorrel merely wanted to see a rose garden, then retreat back to her safe and sequestered life in the Women’s Refuge on Earth, but once she encounters two earnest and determined Alphan officers, she’s forced out of her shell and into a whole new world of passion.

Even as the bonds they share tighten and satisfy needs they’d never imagined, Alisa, Felix, and Mikel are soon faced with danger and betrayal from the machinations of humans and Alphans alike. The Alphans will have the chance to rescue their fair damsel after all, but will they make it in time?


Buy links

http://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Planet-Alpha-J-J-Lore-ebook/dp/B00NRIUX3G/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1412297511&sr=1-1&keywords=unexpected+j+j+lore

https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-unexpected-1640262-340.html

http://www.evernightpublishing.com/unexpected-by-j-j-lore/


Author Bio

J. J. Lore needs three things; strong, black coffee, time to write, and…well…you can guess the third. When she isn’t inventing fantastical tales filled with passionate people, she’s shaking sriracha on whatever she’s eating or reading about the Justinian plague.

For updates on her erotic romance releases, visit her at:

Website: http://www.jjlore.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/J-J-Lore/1393971707546734 ,

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8188490.J_J_Lore

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/J.J.-Lore/e/B00KDSRZN4/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1407368835&sr=1-2-ent

Twitter: @JJLore1


2 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for hosting me, Cait!

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  2. Thanks for coming and blogging with us today!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete